I have found that to make profound changes in your life, like beating food addition, you have to love yourself more.  I love me.  I affirm me.  I embrace all that I am right now as good.  Sure, I haven’t yet reached my goal weight, but I’m still beautiful in the now.  I’m worthy of the “more” that I will attain.  I can see all of the good on the horizon, clearly.

I believe in me today.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxdHN_GtC2c]

Oh my goodness.  I really want to be this wise and be able to inspire people too.  There are so many people like me who have suffered from the “Corporate Kitchen” and food addiction and have looked for answers everywhere.  When I went raw 2 years ago it was the best thing EVER!  I know it’s part of the answer, a large part.  However, education is just as important.  I have to educate myself so that my new habits become a lifestyle.  There is so much to learn, but it all rings true to me.

What I’ve eaten today:

• Green Smoothie – 2 bananas, spinach, cup and 1/2 of frozen mango
• Baby Carrots as a snack

Mood – I was very calm this morning.  As the day goes on I’m feeling a little irritable because I can’t run to food…my normal coping mechanism.

I ate about 1/3 of the container.

That lead to some Chinese food (crab rangoon and steamed shrimp) on Saturday and burger/fries on Sunday. I got a hold of myself by Monday (just ate some jelly beans and a diet coke…raw the rest of the day). Sigh. I didn’t feel the goodness and freedom I been feeling eating raw food. My mind was all over the place. All I could think of was food and how I could get some more cooked food. I was trying to reason and bargain with myself. Umm…I felt crazy. Why am I talking to myself trying to get myself to see that I’m just doing the very thing that makes me unhappy and gets me further from my goals. This is really addiction and people need to start treating it like that.

After getting myself back on track yesterday I feel much better. I was 180.5 pounds this morning so I didn’t wreck too much havoc. But I did see some of my insulin rash come back and I had inflammation most of the 4 days. I started my morning with a green smoothie and 3 pieces of the raw walnut, raw almond, and agave nectar nut “candy” that I used to make the last time I went raw. This stuff really helped with my sugar cravings and gave me a lot of fiber. I don’t know why I didn’t make it sooner. Duh!!

I took a walk yesterday to try to “walk it off”…walk the cravings away. I realize boredom had a lot to do with my eating. When I got outside in the wonderful weather I felt fantastic. I thought back to walking to the corner store as a teen for relief from my person issues in the form of sugar. I realized later that day that instead of a treat, sugar was now a punishment. That’s how it feels after I eat it. Like it’s wrong…like I’ve betrayed my true intention to be healthy and beautiful. Freedom is not feeling that way. Not eating junk food as well as developing a healthy attitude toward food and eating.

Eating junk doesn’t take the pain away. Not eating junk is not a punishment. Eating healthy is true freedom…mind, body, and soul. I want freedom from cooked food, and junk food addiction. That’s my goal.

All in all it was a good day.

I also bought a new Raw Foods book, 12 Steps to Raw Foods by Victoria Boutenko.  I’m excited about reading it.  I think it will help me with the dependency/addiction side of my eating.