Sweets and comfort food were always a treat for me. Not being able to have them was a punishment. That’s how I felt on Day 13 (last Friday). I felt like I was in punishment and all I wanted to soothe my pain was some ice cream. I almost didn’t get any. I went out on a midnight run (literally) like a crackhead. Away, away…in search of cold sugary goodness. I almost had to go home empty handed. But there…near the metro…like a lighthouse in the night…A 24 hour CVS selling Edy’s. Sad
I ate about 1/3 of the container.
That lead to some Chinese food (crab rangoon and steamed shrimp) on Saturday and burger/fries on Sunday. I got a hold of myself by Monday (just ate some jelly beans and a diet coke…raw the rest of the day). Sigh. I didn’t feel the goodness and freedom I been feeling eating raw food. My mind was all over the place. All I could think of was food and how I could get some more cooked food. I was trying to reason and bargain with myself. Umm…I felt crazy. Why am I talking to myself trying to get myself to see that I’m just doing the very thing that makes me unhappy and gets me further from my goals. This is really addiction and people need to start treating it like that.
After getting myself back on track yesterday I feel much better. I was 180.5 pounds this morning so I didn’t wreck too much havoc. But I did see some of my insulin rash come back and I had inflammation most of the 4 days. I started my morning with a green smoothie and 3 pieces of the raw walnut, raw almond, and agave nectar nut “candy” that I used to make the last time I went raw. This stuff really helped with my sugar cravings and gave me a lot of fiber. I don’t know why I didn’t make it sooner. Duh!!
I took a walk yesterday to try to “walk it off”…walk the cravings away. I realize boredom had a lot to do with my eating. When I got outside in the wonderful weather I felt fantastic. I thought back to walking to the corner store as a teen for relief from my person issues in the form of sugar. I realized later that day that instead of a treat, sugar was now a punishment. That’s how it feels after I eat it. Like it’s wrong…like I’ve betrayed my true intention to be healthy and beautiful. Freedom is not feeling that way. Not eating junk food as well as developing a healthy attitude toward food and eating.
Eating junk doesn’t take the pain away. Not eating junk is not a punishment. Eating healthy is true freedom…mind, body, and soul. I want freedom from cooked food, and junk food addiction. That’s my goal.