Coconut Cake (9”, 12-16 servings)

9 cups oat flour (ground oat groats or rolled oats)
2 cups nuts pecans or walnuts (chopped fine)
3 cups shredded coconut
1½ cups agave nectar
1 level tablespoon ground cloves
Water as needed (about 2 cups)
1/2 pineapple pulsed (in food processor)

In large bowl, combine oat flour, nuts coconut, pineapple, cloves and agave nectar. Mix well. Add water while kneading the mixture. The batter should be moist but not runny. If too much water is added let stand for 15-20 minutes. Form dough into two large balls. Press each dough ball into a spring form pan.

Icing

6 cups shredded coconut (set aside two cups)
1 cup coconut meat (from young Thai coconut)
4 cups water
1 cup agave nectar
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 vanilla bean or 2 tablespoons vanilla extract
3 tablespoons psyllium powder

Blend 4 cups shredded coconut, and remaining ingredients in high speed blender until creamy. If too watery add a little more shredded coconut.

Remove 1 cake from spring form pan and place on a plate (this is your bottom layer). Spread Icing on bottom layer of cake. Remove other cake from spring form pan and place on top of bottom layer. Ice the top layer of cake, spreading icing along the sides of cake. Top with shredded coconut.

I ate about 1/3 of the container.

That lead to some Chinese food (crab rangoon and steamed shrimp) on Saturday and burger/fries on Sunday. I got a hold of myself by Monday (just ate some jelly beans and a diet coke…raw the rest of the day). Sigh. I didn’t feel the goodness and freedom I been feeling eating raw food. My mind was all over the place. All I could think of was food and how I could get some more cooked food. I was trying to reason and bargain with myself. Umm…I felt crazy. Why am I talking to myself trying to get myself to see that I’m just doing the very thing that makes me unhappy and gets me further from my goals. This is really addiction and people need to start treating it like that.

After getting myself back on track yesterday I feel much better. I was 180.5 pounds this morning so I didn’t wreck too much havoc. But I did see some of my insulin rash come back and I had inflammation most of the 4 days. I started my morning with a green smoothie and 3 pieces of the raw walnut, raw almond, and agave nectar nut “candy” that I used to make the last time I went raw. This stuff really helped with my sugar cravings and gave me a lot of fiber. I don’t know why I didn’t make it sooner. Duh!!

I took a walk yesterday to try to “walk it off”…walk the cravings away. I realize boredom had a lot to do with my eating. When I got outside in the wonderful weather I felt fantastic. I thought back to walking to the corner store as a teen for relief from my person issues in the form of sugar. I realized later that day that instead of a treat, sugar was now a punishment. That’s how it feels after I eat it. Like it’s wrong…like I’ve betrayed my true intention to be healthy and beautiful. Freedom is not feeling that way. Not eating junk food as well as developing a healthy attitude toward food and eating.

Eating junk doesn’t take the pain away. Not eating junk is not a punishment. Eating healthy is true freedom…mind, body, and soul. I want freedom from cooked food, and junk food addiction. That’s my goal.