emotional eating – Urban Raw Food

April 22 So far so good

Ajima — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 00:53:40 +0000

I had a great Sunday being raw. After going out and looking at a condo I was interested in with 3 of my girlfriends we went out for lunch. They all had cooked food and I had steamed broccoli and read potatoes on the side. No…not raw…but I felt really good about it. I didn’t want the salad because I’ve had it at this particular restaurant and it’s that nasty, iceberg, out of the bag style salad. Wasn’t feeling it. They all shared a chocolate chip cookie and ice cream dessert. I just looked on and politely said no when they asked if I wanted some. Some how I felt empowered. One of the girls is on the Weight Watchers plan and she was lamenting and boo hoo-ing about her meal. How many points could she have? How many calories does this have? After her meal of grilled chicken, rice, and veggies she went on and on about how she just felt like something was missing. Like her meal was not complete without ending it with something sweet so she had a small portion of the dessert.

I really really understood what she was saying. I’ve been dealing with the feeling that my meals were not complete because it’s not “real food”, hot food, or sweet junk food. However, I know that those thoughts are just part of my relationship with food. I don’t want to have this kind of relationship with food anymore. I want to eat to live, not live to eat. I want to be fulfilled by things other than food.

Monday was great. I was really busy, had a very stressful day, but I didn’t medicate or soothe myself with food. The only non raw thing for the day was a can of soda. Today much much more stressful. Crazy drama that I’m only half way involved with at my job. It’s a mess. I don’t need the drama. I ate half of a chocolate chip cookie. Didn’t beat myself up. I knew that it was from stress and I was trying to find relief in the cookie. No relief to be found in the cookie. LOL I wasn’t surprised. LOL I saw a friend of mine during my break and he give me a hug and a kiss hello. That felt so much better than the cookie made me feel. I’m learning more and more that food is secondary to our primary sources…love, friendship, spirituality, environment…etc.

I went to the supermarket after work and was worried that I would walk out with some junkfood or end up stopping for a sandwich or some friend chicken on the way home, but I didn’t. I just went in and got mangoes, bananas, salad, sunflower seeds, apples, and dried pineapples. I was so so so proud of me when I got home. I had a big salad for dinner.

My mantra for tomorrow: I love myself regardless of what I eat. I love myself regardless of external stress.

It’s going well, but I really want to be 100% raw

Ajima — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:54:49 +0000

My emotional eating continues to be the major revelation I’m having in the process. The reason I’ve eaten to much over the years has nothing to do with hunger or physical need. I eat because I’m lonely, fearful, sad, stressed, confused, bored, lonely, lol. I’m a really happy person, but I wear the mask like everyone else. I’ve been dieting for so long, eating and feeling bad for so long, wishing I was smaller and cuter for so long, envying other people for so long…I’ve wasted a whole lot of time. I realize that I haven’t been happy with my weight since my Junior year of college (at around 160 pounds). That was about 8 years ago. So for eight years I’ve been waisting time. For eight years I’ve been beating myself up. For eight years I’ve been trying various diet plans and getting bigger every year. I could probably teach a college level class on dieting plans…the pros and cons…how to follow them…etc. *Sigh*

It’s time to go 100% raw. It’s time to commit. I’ve been doing well. I’ve been at least 80% raw everyday. I’ve been drinking about 20-24 oz of water per day. I just still have that psychological hurdle to overcome. The cooked food addiction. The addiction that is connected to the cravings. The addiction that makes excuses. I want to stop meeting my emotional needs with food.

Food does not run me. Food does not control me. That is what I want to live…not just strive for, but live. I want to be complete…whole…healed.

Sugar Free on a Tuesday

Ajima — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 02:07:08 +0000

I got all that shrimp and “friedness” out of me this morning and during the day. I felt good for most of the day. Started the morning with bananas and apple sauce. Midmorning I got really, really hungry…so I had a bag of baby carrots. The hunger was very intense, so I was surprised. It was like my body was yelling at me. Had my usual big salad for lunch (see previous post for what it’s made up of ) and it was great. I also had some of the free Stride gum they were passing out at Union Station this morning. That was helpful.

My cravings are still manageable. The main thing is that I just consider if I’m hungry or not. Just asking myself that question makes it clear that I’m just craving or just emotionally wanting food and it’s not an actual nutritional issue. At this point I’m realizing just how much eating I’ve been doing without being hungry at all. I’m sure I’m cutting so many calories. I haven’t had any candy in days. I used to eat at least 4-7 pieces of chocolate candy a day at work. I’m sure that was about 200-400 or more extra calories a day.

I decided after the last couple of days that one of the things that motivates me to eat is boredom and that I can’t just come home and sit every evening. I don’t want to go to the gym every day either so I’m going to find things to do at least 2 times a week. To day I walked around at the mall for about an hour. It was fun. I looked at fashions that I would love to buy in the sizes I will be wearing in a couple of months. I didn’t buy any food while I was there. I came straight home. YAY

The only non raw moment today was the drinking of Diet Coke (1 bottle) that’s cool. I had it after a dinner of raw nut meat rolled up in a collard leaf. Yummy.